Tyler Has Words is the blog of Tyler Patrick Wood, a writer/musician from Texas. You'll get free book excerpts twice a week. On the other days, you'll get words. If you would like an original take on everything by an expert on nothing, this might be a cool place to hang out.

About Standards

About Standards

Tyler Wood

Post 40:

 

            Not saying I have standards, but like everyone, I have standards.

            I did a show tonight and was talking to a dude after my set. He was from out of town and had nothing to talk about except the horrific experience that he had on the flight to my town.

            Never mind the guy and his stupid story. It got me thinking about flying, in general. I’m the son of an airline pilot. Before you checkout, go with me for a second. Back then, you had to get all dressed to the nine’s to board the plane. Okay, screw me, it was first class, but give me a break, it was my dad’s company. Best foot forward type of situation. Like if you’re going to let your employees roll out on your airline, they at least have to dress like they’re going to church.

            Fair deal. They had standards.

            I remember the stewardesses, remember getting to go up into the cockpit to say hello to the pilots. Obviously, this was in a simpler time, before we were scared of our own shadows at the airport.

            A simpler time? I’m not ninety years old. I only have three or four gray hairs. What the hell happened? Now I get on a plane and it’s a real shitshow. Folks smell, people hand you their babies so they can get a break and go take some pills in the bathroom. I get it. Travel sucks. But do it with dignity. I think the renaissance of our society starts with travel. If we can resurrect decency on planes, we might be able to exhume the remnants of western society.

            Remember restaurants? Oh pipe down, I’ll make my point. I’m talking about back in the day when some schmuck couldn’t come in to a nice joint and sit down with his t-shirt and sandals. You’re sitting there, trying to convince a girl that’s way out of your league that you are the man, and here comes Jimmy Buffett. Not fair. The chips are stacked against you already. Screw Jimmy. Love your music, but I don’t need you making this chick realize that we’re not in a magical world where I pay money and things happen.

            Not really sure how to say what I want to. Apologies for everything written previous to what I’m writing at this moment. But… don’t be a bum. Stop doing a crap job of acquitting yourself. Let me say that nobody that ever reads this is a bigger worthless jackass than me. I’m a total slob. Sedentary. Oh, my shirt’s stained? I’ll figure it out later. I get it. But when you decide to join rejoin the world, dammit, rejoin it. If I have to hear another guy that smells at one of my clubs complaining about how he can’t get girls, I might implode. Get it together. Just for awhile. Sorry to be such a jerk. Sometimes the jerks need a little chiding. Let’s be honest, I’m just giving myself a pep talk.

            See you after.

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