About Hey Jealousy

Post 1929:

I’ve heard from wise people and read from the learned that comparing yourself to others is not a good thing. Sure. That makes sense. Be okay with what you’ve got, where you’re at, who you are, etc. Whatever that means.

No, really. All that sounds good, but I’m not sure how you get through life without playing the comparison game. Maybe it’s not healthy. I’ve never been all that healthy.

Could be I’m too competitive. I don't like to lose. Now that I’m an ancient, I guess I’ve learned to accept things I’ll never be good at. So there is some progress being made. Some.

But when it comes to the things I strive for, it’s the same as it ever was. I love words and stories, obviously, so I want to be the freaking man with words and stories. Not good. Better than you. Better than them. It’s probably petty and pathetic, but I don’t think it darkens my soul the way other things do.

For example, I’m reading a book right now called All The Colors of the Dark. Every so often I’ll come to a character moment or a sentence that makes me jealous. He wrote it and it did something to me that I’ve never thought of. Now I’m pissed. Now I’m jealous.

It’s probably not the best reaction, I admit. Or maybe it is. I let it burn for a minute or two and get back to work, to working at getting better, trying to be the one everybody agrees is the best, even though this will never happen.

I’m not sure what brief snippets of jealousy do to the soul. It’s all vanity, I suppose, but I figure we have to try to make our mark where we can.

Let me say this should only apply when you can make a difference. If I stew all day and night because I’m not over six feet tall, this isn’t going to do much good. No matter what people say, there are some things you can’t change. Letting things like that bother you is poison without an antidote.

I’d like to say whatever makes you better is a good thing, but that’s probably not right. Sometimes you think you’re getting better but it’s making things worse. Like that time I did steroids in college and then blew out my leg. That was bad better.

Look, I know what you’re going to say. You’ll never be as sagacious and nimble-brained as me. And I get that. Honestly, I’m sorry. Now let it sink in, and get back to work. We’re racing here.

Cheers and see you after.